If you’re like me; than you have an all consuming desire to KNOW; to understand; to somehow wrap that primate mind of yours around the all-elusive secrets of the universe. Every. Single. One. Now with this being the case, 99% of the time our desire to be Omniscient leaves us unsatisfied; so the closest we can get is by causing our computers to crash with the amount of wikipedia tabs we open at a time. It’s incredibly ineffecient to only learn the definition of something before being drawn onward into the ethernet by this desire to KNOW.
I want a sense of understanding
I want to know your name
I need some kind of motivation
A reason to keep playing this game
I feel so completely dejected
Alone on this marvelous stage
I know without divine intervention
I can’t continue living in this place
But in my darkest hour
You always seem to find
The perfect words to say
The right place for the sign
And when I start to fall
I just need to lift my eyes
And in no time at all I’m seeing brighter days
And bluer skies
The first “spiritual experience” that I had, found me in a conversation with the cosmo’s; it started out by my realizing the consciousness of this MASSIVE pine tree right out the front door of my apartment in Huntington Beach, California; so we had a good conversation for awhile; and then a sense of expansiveness took root in me, and I felt like I started conversing with a much larger presence; It felt to me like I was speaking to God who was also the Sun; but this may have just been what that Being decided to convey to my very limited means of comprehension.
A good ways into our conversation; I started to ask “Why?” “Why are we here?” “Why did you create us?” “Why is the world going insane?” and “How is it that I’m communicating with a Star?”
I was responded to with a proverbial slap upside the head. Like if a friend of yours were to tell you that the capitol of the country was Washington State; You’d look at em, cock your head to the side a bit and say “Come now, really?” Anyway, it was made clear to me the perspective that I currently had. ” Look” the universe told me, “You stand at 5’5, you have less than perfect eyes, and you’re asking to be shown the master plan of the entire universe? You can’t even see that road sign 50 feet ahead clearly - Check yourself”
Now when it was put that way I felt pretty silly about it too.
I was able to walk away from that night with a better understanding that it’s OK not to know everything, and in fact in our present forms, it’s not possible to learn the lesson’s we’re here to learn while in a state of full comprehension. We’ve chosen to don these bodies and play in this third dimension while relinquishing the knowledge that we are all divine beings unified in one consciousness because there are certain lessons that we can only learn in seperation: If we lived in the awareness that we are all divine, than there would be no reason for us to fear, so learning to control our thoughts, to keep our minds positive would be irrelevant. So also would this knowledge nullify any lessons involving faith: certainty doesn’t leave room for faith to enter our lives; Doubt is a powerful thing, and it has the ability to make our faith all that much more stronger; because a faith untested is blind, but a faith questioned and tested is that all that much more powerful for standing up to the trials that we put it through. Separation is such a blessing in disguise.
One aspect of this whole spiritual growth thing that is the most difficult for me is having patience. I’m getting alot better with it, but I’ve still got a LONG way to go. I feel like it’s one of the major life lessons that I incarnated here to learn. I’m constantly trying to find ways to grow; so much so that it’s become a bit of an obsession, and granted there are many worse obsessions out there, of which I’ve definitely been guilty (the nicotine goddess is a seductress to be sure), but it’s reached the point of being an attachement; Is it possible to become too attached to wanting to grow? I think the answer is yes: Bringing up my height again, I’ve been 5’5 since I was in eight grade- I haven’t grown an inch in 8 years; and no amount of wishing I was taller is going to change that; The only thing I can do in this situation is wait, and evolve organically.
I think many of us have the notion that evolution, ascension, enlightment they all happen spontaneously; probably stemming from playing pokemon as a kid “Charmander has now evolved into Charmeleon!” But life doesnt work that way. It takes time for a Caterpillar to turn into a butterfly- the emergence from the cocoon may happen in a moment, but it takes a whole lifetime up until then to prepare for that moment. This belief that enlightment happens in a single moment: “The heavens open up, God shows his face, and suddenly we’re an totally enlightened being” Process finished, end of the road, that’s all folks- is a major obstacle for many of us; it leads to searching for experience in our meditations, it leads to being discouraged when nothing “happens” to us; it leads to unnecessary expectations that become stumbling blocks on the road.
The best thing we can do is to stretch everyday; so that eventually we can reach down and touch our toes; and maybe sometime down the road, we can look back and see the amount that we actually did grow, although we may not have realized it at the time.
Update on the Lyme:
I’ve been on antibiotics for two days now; I woke up this morning feeling well rested; The bullseye is starting to fade, and the rash on my arm is all gone; I’ve been feeling not all there mentally, but I attribute that to the antibiotics; also the switch from country living to being in the City: Definitely a shifting of the gears that takes some getting used to. I’m taking Acidophilus to replenish the good bacteria in me; Magnesisum, Zinc, Calcium, and Echinacea for immune support along with Kombucha and nettle tea.